I'm Not an Idiot, I Just Know How to Spell.

I wonder if sleepwalking makes sleeping with someone justifiable in the same way that the right mixture of alcohol, dim lighting, and lonely people do? But then you'd have to explain why you started the car, took money out of the atm, walked into the bar and began flirting.

(As a general rule of thumb, you only flirt with the ones that will most definitely sleep with you. )

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Burkett St. Conversations

"Have you seen the way he fucking looks at you?"

"Ughh...it's fucking gross."

"Is he retarded?"

"No, I think it's like Autism or something."

"Yeah, that's it. Autism."

"What are we doing tonight?"

"I don't know but if I run into that retard, I'm going to fuck his brains out, and not call him the next day."

"You're great."

"I know."

16/2

When we went to the zoo I didn't expect him to try and kiss me. I certainly didn't expect him to take his dick out either. I asked him about his moustache in front of the sea lion tank. We talked a bit about experimental facial hair and how it looks good on boys, then he did it.

He asked me to show him what was beneath my Levi's. I did and as soon as I pulled it out, his tongue was in my mouth. I guess this was a first date.

Short Story Sessions

It would have been okay if we had just finished that bottle of wine and said goodbye, but I insisted we dance to the Clash. I wanted it to look like that scene where Mark Ruffalo and Kirsten Dunst dance in their underwear, but I barely made it past her bedroom.

What to Do at Twenty Three/ Do I smell a new Career?

What to Do at Twenty Three While Living at Home.

I have no idea what to do with myself. There's only so much media and pornography one can take

in at one sitting.

(I'd say about five to ten minutes given my track record.)
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Do I smell a new career?

I've decided to stop calling myself an artist, a skateboarder, and an entrepreneur, as well as all of the other things I refer to myself as, that way I can make some space for my newest title:

Re-Furbished Vaccuum Repairsmen Specialist.

It's been a passion of mine for some years now and I figured now's my time to shine.

Point being:

-No one has any cash on hand for a shady latina maid with

sticky fingers.

-Some vaccuums have lifetime warranties.

-Due to recent advances in technology, top of the line

vaccuums can also get into hard to reach areas that other

cleaning supplies can't.

-I live above a vaccuum repair shop( No transportation to work required).

- I only have a G.E.D and 1/2 of an associates from a community college.

- I can wear practically whatever I want to work.

- If David Oreck's been in business for one hundred years, why can't I get wet too?

As far as I can see, it's a win, win situation.